Brooks and Dunn Redux

“You can leave your hat on”-Randy Newman

I went to see the Brooks and Dunn show up at Montage. In fact I wrote a review of it that appeared in this fine publication. Here’s the stuff that didn’t fit into that review. In the row in front of us a young lady spent at least ten minutes of each hour applying a myriad of cosmetics. I mean she painted enough stuff on her face that Marcel Marceu would have been envious. Call me old fashioned but wasn’t that why God invented rest rooms? In the row behind us an older woman ignored everyone and read a paperback novel. The seats where we were at cost more than $60. I guess it must be me but if she wanted to read, the library or her couch would have been much more cost effective. But the highlight of my people watching was the young woman directly in front of us. Someone high up in Toyota marketing came up with the idea that big red cowboy hats should be given away at the show. When I say big I mean to say BIG. These huge foam creations had to be at least two feet high and three feet in circumference. Most of the concert goers I saw that had scored the free hats held them in their laps. Not so the person in front of us. She kept hers on all night. At times we could see the stage. Most of the time we saw that damn red hat. Somebody beside us was trying to take pictures. I glanced over at the digital display and all I saw was red hat. Toyota owes us at the very least an apology. But more about “hat girl.” WARNING: MATURE CONTENT/HORRIFYING MENTAL IMAGE THAT WILL REMAIN IN YOUR BRAIN FOREVER COMING UP. This young lady was, how shall I put this politely? A little “Rubenesque”. No, that’s not fair to Peter Paul Rubens and his voluptuous art. This girl was just plain hefty. A Hefty Heifer at a country hoedown, yee haw! She had on a pair of low rise jeans which begs a whole bunch of questions best left unanswered. But here’s the scary part. When she bent over (and she did so a few times) she showed us her thong underwear. Now I think thong underwear is sexy on a woman. But it probably should be a woman who weighs less than I do. And this thong was so small it could have been a g-string with a little more material. And the thought occurred to me. How much of her outsize female plumbing could that wisp of material possibly cover? Get the image? Yikes! Or then again I could be wrong.